Atop a Mountain of Life Lived
We seldomly take a moment to access what brought us to this point in our lives.
I have come to realise that I don't want any of "this" anymore, but, I can say, I once did.
The dream of a teenager, looking to rise himself and his family out of poverty and to fulfill many other dreams along the way.
A naive, foolish, arrogant and confident dreamer.
I don't regret him, I do feel sorry for him sometimes, and I mourn for him and his passing. The boy I was, and the man I am, are two completely different people.
I could go on about environmental impacts on my youthful outlook, how I discovered that my father unintentionally programmed narcissistic tendencies into my way of life, or how my found family across the world, shaped my points of view for the better. But I won't today, today is about sharing an insight.
Knowing that I have changed, and understanding why, have led me to this point of reflection today.
“What a privilege to be tired from work you once begged the universe for. What a privilege to feel overwhelmed by growth you used to dream about. What a privilege to be challenged by a life you created on purpose. What a privilege to outgrow things you used to settle for.”
This quote, attributed to an known author, reminded me of my younger self, and the journey so far in life.
What a true privilege it is, to have left everything I had ever known, to try fulfill my life's desires of what I used to consider success.
What a true privilege it is, that I sit here now, packing my boxes and things, to move to yet another place to carve out a life.
What a true privilege it is, that I even have the choice to begin with.
I am thankful for the young man I was, who decided this is all he wanted, and while I pity parts of him, I am thankful he gave me this privilege to begin another chapter in my life.
Today, I am thankful for the privilege to decide, and grateful for the chance to go on, to do more with this life I've been given.
"Find what you love and let it kill you..." - Charles Bukowski
I think, if I am to reflect on being tired in the decades to come, I would strive to have it be atop a mound of life lived. Here's to hoping that I can weep up there, knowing I enjoyed the ride, not regretted the journey.