I want a dog and a house
"I want a dog and a house".
This was my objective a few years ago. When I left South Africa, I really didn't have a goal. At the time, I really didn't want leave, but, it was to be expected of course. "Who would turn down such a unique and amazing opportunity to work in Dubai?" That's what I used to think.
Not to say that I regret it, I don't for a second. This chapter of my life has been an amazing, once in a life time, adventure. Filled with goods, and bads, and an experience I'd never want to replace.
But I never really asked myself what I would do once I got here. Once I, as the Joburger's say: "escaped", what would I do when I got to the other side. I really didn't have an answer for my first year in Dubai.
At the time, I simply tried to live pay check to pay check. With what turned out to be a meager salary, it was good enough. "Focus on the work" I thought.
Over time, and a few unfortunate career paths later, I settled on something simple: "A dog and a house".
I've come to realise that it wasn't the house and dog I was after, it was something deeper, a desire and calling, I've ignored for most of my life.
What I have come to find, is that I was looking for a home, a peaceful, simpler life, to live. Not a life of stress, pressure, frustration, the push of some made up ideal of "success", the idea that I should force a wake up and work 12 hours a day to "make it". What a load of bullshit.
Yes, for some, this works for them, and that's fine. I am, not those people.
"Well boy, you need to start making money at some stage"
That was my dad. We were in his car driving somewhere, I think to fetch my brother, or the shops, I don't remember. What I do remember is telling him I'd like to study art once I finished studying business. He felt that not the best idea, and I in that moment, decided to not do art, because how would I be able to make money, right.
I studied business because I thought I needed to make money, because making money is good, money is what we need as a family to be happy, to be okay, and so we don't fight anymore right. That's what I thought.
Why is Mom and Dad fighting again, oh it's about money.
Money, and studying business, is what would be the way to stop them fighting, and everyone could be happy and okay.
I don't regret my path in business. It's defined my life for 16 years professionally, and nearly 20 years socially. It taught me a lot about life.
But, I realise now, it was never my path. It was a path my parents wanted for me, not business: security. I'm thankful that they loved me enough, to push me to be a successful person in life, they achieved it, I am, and I will always cherish their love and guidance.
But this next chapter of my life, is the dog and the house.
The artist within me, is who I am. The original part of me that sat in the car with my dad that night, quietly nodding his head in agreement with me to sit in the back and rest while I do the money thing to help the family, holding on to our dreams as a sacrifice, so we could "make everything okay".
I look ahead, scared, but with hope. An idea, so delicate, I would only be brave enough to whisper it, anything more, and it would shatter.
I look to my future with hope. Realising, it was always there waiting for me to return.